My Punishment
by EsperGirl
Summary: adult language and themes. Yuri implications (i lost a bet -_-') Selphie and Irvine get into an arguement and Selphie just plainly gets sick of all men in general. One-shot.


Punishment

By EsperGirl

Dedicated to LagunaLeon

Warnings- Boy bashing, yuri implications, girl talk, accessive use of a bag of doritos

For all the guys out there just looking for two girls to "get it on" so to speak, look elsewhere. This isn't one of those fics.

A/N- Let's just get one thing straight. I lost a bet of sorts with my boyfriend and this was my punishment (hence the title). Everyone can thank LagunaLeon for this (iow: send your flames to HIM not meh! :D) . This is my fic to him. I'm in no way a fan of writing yuri. There's nothing wrong with yuri or anything, I just don't read it, and therefor don't write it. This is my first one so don't blame me if it's bad. And although I tried I was fairly unmoved to right it. It felt like I was writing an essay for school. I cut some out from the original version because it just wasn't working. Oh and there isn't citrus of ANY KIND! Some OOC. It was eight pages long on the text program at home. I don't know if it's the same as it will be on the one's at school. It's long enough I think so :p @ Lag.

My Punishment

"Boys suck!" Selphie Tilmit huffed and let her head drop onto the table. Her arms lay limply at her sides, her fingers dangling in midair. She could feel the blood rushing through them and knew that at any moment she'd be getting pins and needles all up her arms. But at the moment she didn't really care.

Zell Dincht watched her, curious if anything, biding time as he chewed on his macaroni and cheese. He'd spent nearly a full hour mourning the severe lack of hotdogs in the cafeteria and ranting about how the school system was against him.

"What did we do this time?" He managed without letting any food spill from his mouth, a mild talent he'd perfected over the years.

"I swear, one of these days I'm just gonna go lesbian."

"Hey, if I can't find a chick around here what makes you think YOU'LL be able to find one?"

"I'm more masculine than you are." she huffed, sticking her tongue out.

"HEY!!!" Zell's jaw dropped, macaroni and cheese falling down onto his lap. "Squall didja hear what she just said?!"

"..mmmhmm..." the brunet didn't even look up from his Issue of the Balamb Times to offer a proper response.

"Since when do YOU read the newspaper?" Selphie eyed him as her head lay horizontally on the table.

"Weapon's Expo. Next week." He poked a finger at the front page. "They're having a demonstration on new blade types."

"Oh really? Are we going?" Zell perked up. "Do they have that-"

"My gawd! Is that all you men ever think of? Weapons and Sex? UGHH!!!"

"No, we think about food too."

"Shut UP ZELL!"

Squall reached over the table to grab his coffee. "So what did Irvine do now?"

"The idiot had the nerve to stand me up last night and invited Jora Dermal to the dance! JORA DERMAL! THE BALAMB HOOCH!!!" Selphie pouted. "What does she have that I don't? I mean, besides fourty boyfriends and a breasts the size of Esthar."

"Jora's not so bad." Zell shrugged.

"Zell, shut up, no one's talking to you."

The blonde frowned before shoveling another forkful of mac and cheese into his mouth.

"Is there something wrong with me Squall?" Her face saddened as she looked up at the newspaper the brunet was hiding behind.

"It could be worse Sel." Squall mumbled. "He could be dating Adel."

"No," she sighed. "That wouldn't be worse. That would just prove there's something wrong with HIM."

"Selphie, why are you asking me all this?" One grey eye appeared around the newspaper, the slender brow above it arching gracefully.

"Well...you seem to be the only guys who's doing things right around here. I mean, you and Rinoa are already celebrating your one year in a few days right? That beats any record of any of the guys I know." She tossed him her best puppy dog expression. "PLEEEEEEEEEASE help me?"

He sighed. "You want my honest opinion?"

"Absolutely."

"You have too many guy friends. It throws any potential male interest off."

"What do you mean? You want me to just stop being friends with all of you guys."

"No I'm not saying that." Squall took a sip of his coffee and set down the newspaper. "It's just, you treat Irvine like you treat me and Zell. Maybe he just thinks you two are friends. He probably didn't realize you thought there was something more."

"So it's MY fault he's going around and being a dickhead?! Thanks Squall, you're a great help. That gives him ALL the reason in the world to ditch me in Dollet for three hours. It would have been worse if Fujin and Raijin hadn't have given me a ride back to Garden."

"You're the one who asked me for my input." The newspaper was brought back up as he resumed reading.

"That's because I thought you'd have something better to say about it!"

"I can only tell you what I see Selphie. I mean, take Zell for example. There's a reason why no girls ever want to date him."

Zell's head perked up. "Really?"

"They think he's gay."

"I'M NOT GAY!!!!!" Zell exploded.

The cafeteria was suddenly very quiet as dozens of heads turned to stare at their table.

Squall had already composed himself behind his newspaper and Selphie had hidden her face in her arms.

Zell grinned sheepishly and stood to throw his garbage out.

As the chatter around the room began to slowly resume Squall lowered the newspaper a little and continued. "It's mostly because of his behavior and the way he's always going at hotdogs."

"I'm not gay..." Zell huffed, sitting back down.

"We didn't say you were, it's just what people think sometimes. It's not really anything you did." Squall assured him.

"So EVERYONE thinks I'm gay?!"

"Enough about you, Zell. help ME, Squall." Selphie offered him her best puppydog expression. 

"Well the other reason he might have asked Jora is because he's a male whore. Didn't I tell you about this before?" Squall eyed her. "I seem to recall just a few days ago-"

"Yeah, yeah, you did......I guess you're right......"

"Maybe you just need to take a break from guys from a little while. Sort things out."

"And where the heck am I supposed to go? The moon? Hate to break it to you Squall but there are guys EVERYWHERE. There's no way I can avoid them all."

"You could always lock yourself in your room."

"Oh yeah, GREAT plan Zell." 

"Actually, that's not a bad idea....Didn't you say something about a lock in sleepover you had a while back in Trabia?" Squall took another sip of his coffee, finishing it off. "You could invite Rinoa and Quistis or something. Make a night out of it."

"That's a GREAT idea!!" Selphie lept from her chair and clamped her hands around Squall's neck, bouncing happily. "I take back what I said! Only MOST boys suck."

"My ego is mended...." the brunet refolded his newspaper and moved to get up, removing Selphie's arms. "I'm going to see Rinoa now. I can ask her for you if you want."

"You sure you won't mind being away from your girl for a whole twenty four hours?"

Zell snickered. "He's probably looking forward to it."

Squall smiled a little sheepishly. "I haven't had a decent night's sleep in weeks."

Selphie quirked a brow. "You guys have been going at it that much?"

"No." Squall sweatdropped and stood. "All night karaoke....it's the devil's tool. I don't care what anyone says."

*   *   *

"Selphie!"

Selphie turned, smiling as Quistis strided down the hall toward her. "Hey Quisty, what's up? How's it feel to be back in the old instuctoring saddle?"

"Not so bad. I found an old test of yours in my desk."

"How did you know it was mine?"

"You're the only one of my students who signs her papers with a smiley face Selphie, It wasn't that hard to figure out."

"Oh, right."

"Heard you and Irvine had a little arguement."

"What does the whole school know now?"

"Not the WHOLE school...most of it."

"Great.....hey Quistis? I was wondering...are you busy this weekend?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Well....I wanted to do this kind of....sleepover lock-in thing Friday night...I was gonna invite a few people. You know, Rinoa...Xu...Maybe Fujin....like a girls-night-in thing."

"I don't know Selphie. Now that I'm an instructor again the paperwork has just been piling up...."

"Oh...."

"But I'll tell you what... If I can get through at least half of these by Thursday you have yourself a deal." She gestured to the pile of papers in her arms. 

"Yay!!"

*   *   *

"Alright....popcorn...check....old sappy chick flick movies? check.....doritos? check....soda. check.....extra toilet paper. check....sleeping bags. check.....everything else..." Rinoa glanced around the room and did a full 360 before looking back at her checklist. "Good enough."

"We got everything?" Selphie smiled as she piled the vcr tapes next to the television.

"Looks like." the dark haired girl replied. "I'm going to go grab my clothes and stuff alright? I'll be back in less than fifteen minutes."

"Alright. Everyone else should be here in no time."

*   *   *

"So anyway, men suck." Selphie huffed.

"YES." Fujin put it.

"Well maybe it's just Irvine. He's kind of a male floozy...." Rinoa offered. "I mean, Squall's a GREAT guy."

"I have to agree with Selphie." Quistis shrugged. "Most men are ignorant, sex fiendish, scum of the earth. And no Rinoa, a nice pair of eyes and a great ass doesn't make up for that."

"You looked at his ass!!!!" Rinoa threw a chip at her.

"Well d'uh. It has it's own FANCLUB for crying out loud." Quistis laughed.

"Yeah, weren't you the president of it for a time?"

"Shut up, Xu."

Selphie giggled.

"Well then you might as well all become lesbians." Xu shrugged. "Otherwise you'll kind of HAVE to deal with a relationship with a man sooner or later."

"I was actually thinking about that." Quistis sighed, biting off the tip of her dorito.

"You kidding!" Rinoa's jaw dropped. "You like girls?!"

"I never said that!" Quistis blushed. "I just said I'd thought about it. Sometimes it makes sense. Girls understand girls better. It's not really anything sexual that interests me. Just the thought of having a mentally stimulating, emotionally worthy relationship with someone who's going to see me as more than just a pair of boobs with a mouth."

"TRUE." Fujin sighed, snuggling into her blankets more. "MEN. STUPID."

"Amen." the room chorused.

"Hey...Squall is different than the other guys." Rinoa huffed. "He's not anything like Zell or Irvine... he treats me differently."

"For your sake we'll count him as the exception." Xu laughed.

"Thank you kindly. Oooo!! Can we put 'Pretty Woman' on?" 

"HATE."

"I've seen that movie like a gazillion times already."

"Do we have to?"

Rinoa pouted. "You guys are no fun."

"Alright Quistis. If you had to date a girl who would it be?" Xu stole another chip and eyes the young instructor.

"I honestly don't know." Quistis shrugged. "First you'd have to find someone else with the same idea."

"Maybe you and Selphie should date. You two have the same idea about guys." Rinoa winked.

"What, that they suck? Completely and utterly?" Selphie blinked. "Sure, why not."

Quistis laughed and smirked at her. "I might take you up on that someday."

"Hey! Who wants a stripper?!"

"WHAT?" Fujin quirked an eyebrow at Rinoa.

Rinoa was picking up Selphie's phone and dialing. "I bet if I ask Squall to come over and strip for us he'd do it!"

"Rinoa! come on, this is supposed to be girl's only!" Selphie giggled. "As in NO BOYS. No matter HOW pretty they are."

"I doubt he'd say yes anyway." Xu shook her head.

"Hi honey!" Rinoa sang into the phone. "...yeah we're having fun....Quistis and Selphie are going lesbian......."

The room laughed.

"Hey we're still undecided!" Quistis put in as she popped a chip into her mouth.

"....aw...you sound sleepy....did I wake you up?......oh I didn't realize it was so late......no everything's going great....I just wanted to call and check up on you........"

"Hey Quist?" Selphie smiled, kicking her legs back and forth on her blanket. "I have these tickets that I got for me and Irvine to go see that play the Dollet Players are putting on next week. You wanna go with me?"

Quistis smiled back. "Sure. Like a date?"

"Sure!" the latter girl giggled.

".........no, we were just wondering if you wanted to come over and strip for us....."

"Oh Hyne, Rinoa shut up!" Xu cackled, trying to pry the phone from her.

"FEAR."

"Guys quiet." Rinoa giggled. "..........oh, I'm only kidding......you feeling alright? You sound like you might be getting a cold or something.......well turn the heat on.......it was off when I left this afternoon.........alright, I'll see you tomorrow okay? Alright. I love you too."

"Aw!" The room echoed.

"Oh shush." Rinoa stuck he tongue out as she hung up. "Anyway, that's a no. He sounded really tired. But trust me, it would have been worth it."

"We'll take your word for it." Quistis assured her.

"Come on, let's put in a movie or something." Xu sighed.

Alright. That's the closest thing to Yuri you're EVER going to get from me. I even made Rinoa into an actual CHARACTER in one of my stories. AND I made sure that it was blatantly clear that Squall was straight. (Lag doesn't like the fact that Squall belongs with Seifer even though we all KNOW it's true lol.) Just for the record, Zell is straight too. Everyone just thinks he's gay.


End file.
